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Forest Warrior
(After the usual opening, we start off with the Nostalgia Critic looking at something in a binder when Film Brain pops up from under the camera in his own room) FB: Hello Critic! NC: Oh, hi Film Brain. FB: Wait, why aren't you afraid? I mean this is supposed to be our crossover review. NC: I know, I know. Just gimme a second. FB: But we've been building this up for years! You know how this is supposed to go. You act all afraid and I'm all creepy and hilarity ensues. NC: I know. I just need to figure something out! FB: But I've spent months writing our comedic banter! I even wrote a song about why you should join me! (FB pushes a button on his phone which plays "And now I think we should do a crossover together or I'll kill you!") NC: Well, this is more important right now. FB: What is it? NC: (sighs and puts the binder down) You know how we're reviewing a Chuck Norris movie today? FB: Of course, it's Forest Warrior, the only movie where he literally turns into a bear at the end of it. It's a classic! In fact I was thinking maybe you could do your old joke about shouting CHUCK NORRIS! You know, that bit. That's fun. NC: You see, that's the old me. The new me wants to find new obnoxious memes to be associated with him. FB: Like what? NC: I don't know! (picking the binder up again) That's what I've been trying to figure out! What's he been up to lately? FB: Let's see. (FB checks his phone) Oh. Apparently another gay bashing. NC: Really? FB: Yeah, he wants to keep gays out of the boy scouts and (a news article with the headline "Chuck Norris Accuses Obama of Turning the Boy Scouts Gay" is shown) he hates same-sex marriage, and he's lashed out against what he calls "pro gay school propaganda?" NC: Oh my poor, gentle kinder giant. How the world has turned against you since my last review. FB: Wait, you're for this? NC: He's just misunderstood! Everyone's jumping to conclusions. Film Brain, we have got to cement this image of Chuck Norris that you and I grew up with! FB: But how? This is pretty damning evidence! NC: *sigh* If only the world knew he just wants people to be as perfect as he is. FB: Yeah, I guess. Maybe he just wants everyone to have a little Chuck Norris in them. NC: Wait a minute. That's it! Film Brain, my beautiful British buttercup! You just hit the nail on the head! FB: Oh, how? NC: He just wants every man to be like Chuck Norris, right? So, our new slogan should be, "Chuck Norris wants to put himself in every man." FB: My god, that's brilliant, and in no way can be misinterpreted! NC: Whenever he walks around shirtless and sweaty, people will think to themselves, Chuck Norris wants to put himself in every man. FB: Whenever he trims his beard in a way that's normally associated with leather bars, people will think, Chuck Norris wants to put himself in every man. NC: Whenever he poses like he's giving a massage to a dummy with surprisingly handsome facial features, people will think, Chuck Norris wants to put himself in every man. FB: Oh, and don't forget about the Boy Scouts. NC: That's right. Chuck Norris doesn't want the incredibly dignified image of the Boy Scouts to be ruined. FB: He's the kind of guy who wants to help every boy he can. NC: Exactly! That's why we can say with no humor whatsoever, Chuck Norris wants to put himself in every boy. FB: I feel good about this, Critic! NC: Not as good as Chuck Norris does in every boy! FB: So what do you say? You ready to take on one of his greatest opuses? NC: Of course. I think we've done well to restore dignity back to his name. FB: Well let's take a look at Forest Warrior, or if you prefer, Chuck Norris wants to put himself in hard wood. NC: I do prefer, Film Brain. I do prefer. FB: I thought you might. NC: He's gonna love this! (Clips of the movie play) Category:The Nostalgia Critic Transcripts Category:Content Category:Guides